Marilyn Monroe: a struggle with sexuality

"I know that I will never be happy, but I know that I can be gay!" Marilyn Monroe once said. The outdated definition of the word "gay" means happy or carefree, but what if Monroe was implying something else?

When her name is brought up, many think of the blonde sex icon who starred in major motion pictures and suffered a tragic death. Monroe, originally Norma Jeane Mortenson, was born to a mentally ill mother whose lover left her after she fell pregnant. Because her mother was confined to an asylum, Monroe became an orphan and went through 12 successive sets of foster parents. Monroe had a difficult childhood, as she suffered from dyslexia and was sexually abused, leading her to develop a stutter.

During WWII, Monroe remained a relatively obscure character; she was an industrial worker in the aircraft sector and even married her coworker Jim Dougherty, but she knew that she was always meant to make it big. After the war ended, Monroe started working as a pin-up model (a model with mass-produced photos that you "pin up" on your wall) under the Blue Book Modeling Agency in Los Angeles, California. From there, Monroe used her rare genius and capability to generate publicity to climb up the Hollywood hierarchy. People in the industry loved her: makeup artists revered her makeup skills, photographers marveled her attractive physique, and reporters and other publicists reveled in her tantalizing charm and femininity.

Despite the apparent admiration others had for her, Monroe was nonetheless objectified. During the shoot that produced her iconic flying white skirt photo, Monroe recounts the shoot starting out innocent and pure. As it progressed, however, the crowd increased to around 100 male photographers and over 1,000 male spectators. Every time her skirt blew up, the crowd roared - especially those in the front who could see her pubic hair through her underpants, which had to be edited out in the published photos. The naughty photo made her the perfect heterosexual fantasy, allowing her to ascend to stardom and become America's major sex symbol.

Monroe was also a studious performer; she took classes for acting, singing, and dance, and worked with her mentors to create the best dumb blonde impression of the era. She mocked her soft femininity and innocent eroticism with her wiggling walk and puckered lips, emphasizing her voluptuous qualities.

Even with her success in the industry, Monroe was lacking in her personal and sexual life. According to Martin Evans, a friend of Monroe's first husband Dougherty, Monroe "was scared...[and] even asked if it were possible for her to never have sex with Jim." Her struggle with her sexual identity continued throughout her whole life, and she apparently told Martin that "she had never had an orgasm with a man in her entire life."

Instead, Monroe looked to women to satisfy her need for the affection she never received as a child from her guardians nor from her husbands, some of whom verbally and physically abused her. She was afraid of sex and turned to older women as sexual role models. Her counseling session transcripts proved she had sexual encounters with the actresses Joan Crawford, Barbara Stanwyck, Marlene Dietrich, and Elizabeth Taylor, as well as with her acting coaches Natasha Lytess and Paula Strasberg. Still, she did not come out, as late 19th and 20th century theories about homosexuality regarded it as a mental illness.

Contrary to the popular rumors of Monroe being a man-eater, her counselor testified that she was "not sexually involved...with any other man at the end of her life" and was instead a loner. Whether it was the stress from hiding her sexuality or her broken heart from her numerous failed marriages, the accumulation of her struggles led her to take her life.

Sixty years have passed since Monroe's death, and even today, coming out is hard. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, right by the closet door - wherever you are, coming out should be a celebration for you and your struggle. As our world becomes more open and accepting, I hope that Monroe's struggles and legacy will continue to serve as a lesson to all of us.

Sources:
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2012/jul/21/marilyn-monroe-feminist-psychoanalysis-lois-banner
https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/how-marilyn-monroe-struggled-being-lesbian220712/
https://www.datalounge.com/thread/22808671-marilyn-monroe-misunderstood-intellectual-or-pretentious-poser-
https://www.britannica.com/biography/Marilyn-Monroe
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2176657/Marilyn-Monroe-The-ultimate-sex-symbol-men-But-did-love-women.html 
https://www.aglp.org/gap/1_history/